“I took my meds on time.” | Keeping on track…{#bloglette}{#bipolardisorder}

I took my meds on time tonight.

What helped me to remember them earlier was my obsessive time-keeping today. It seems once the afternoon was upon me, from 1 o’clock on, I started my mental clock as well. Just about every hour after lunch, I had a thought somewhere in my brain that said, “It’s almost time! Don’t forget your meds.” Yes, hours before I took my evening dose, I was anxious about it. I didn’t take anything for the anxiety, I just dealt with each episode as they happened.

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“I almost forgot to take my ‘little pink pill’ again” | {#hashtagharlot}{#bloglette}{#bipolardisorder}

The {#hashtag-in-play} today is {#humpdayhump}

tracies-appetite-nikkiI figure this is the best time of the AM to put up my {#bloglette} posts, especially now that I’m updating more of my Undiagnosed Mom posts here. I woke up very early, but I typically do—around 3AM.

Starving and a bit disoriented, I stumbled into my kitchen and actually chopped peppers, onion and garlic for some leftover @Applebee’s entrée I had in the fridge. I put all I had into that meal, and ate 4 bites. Then, hunger sated, I settled in to check messages.

Then, I remembered.

I didn’t take my little pink pill last night. Not birth control {which I have NO idea the colors of those pills}, but something equally important: my anti-depressant. Now, I know it takes a while for these types of medications to work, they perform best when over time, when the meds “build up” in my system. Then is when I’m supposed to hit a “therapeutic” dose—or the levels when there is enough medication in me to radically affect the way I my brain is wired.

By my count, which is always off, I’ve been back on my little pink pill since last Saturday, October 4th. In about 3 days, I began feeling lighter and even said I was in a good mood for one of those days. It felt wonderful. The pill doesn’t make me do anything, like, I don’t get a high or anything like that. Just a strong sense of well-being, like I’m OK. Like, I’m gonna be OK.  I can do this.

Maybe I’m giving my little pink pill too much credit. I can already see some of my friends nodding their heads, as if to say: “We keep telling you…” They believe I am just Tracie, and this quirky nature of mine is who I am. AND THEY’RE RIGHT. This IS who I am, I keep trying to tell THEM. This is Tracie with {#bipolardisorder}. Nothing about me changes, it doesn’t mean I’m a new creature, or that my personality underwent some horrible mutation to what it is now. I have ALWAYS had {#bipolardisorder}, it’s just I didn’t know the name attributed to what I experienced. Now I do. And when there’s a name, there is also a treatment.

And that’s where I’m at. I’m glad to have a name for the Mania, for the Depression and everything in between. I’m glad there are little pink pills in the world for people like me: Folks who don’t know how to let go of a day. Who refuses sleep like its the plague, only to succumb to it, love it, and awaken feeling better. The plan-a-holics, the do-too-muchers, the hostesses-with-the-most-est, this is me tightly wound inside a rubber band ball. All over the place, I can bounce high and low. That may be me, but have you ever considered something about the person who’s personality this matches?

blogzine-loophole-pieWhat if I told you I don’t ALWAYS want to be “on” like this. What if I also admitted that I willfully make decisions that may harm me or get me into trouble? {Like, never sleep and attempt to be the World’s Best Mother/Everything Girl}. And further, that I may be cavalier about my attitudes and activities—as if there’s no big deal? If you knew these features of my personality, if you were a friend of mine, you’d want me to live my best life and if that included a pill that helps that happen, more power to ya.

Right now, all The Best I Can Afford are these pink pills my Medicaid card pays for. I know they help. {I know they make me drowsy too, but, I can’t have it all} And they’re helping. That’s all my friends need to know. They’re helping. Be happy about that. I am. I don’t have a problem with it at all. I’d much rather stable than defend my all-American right to have a {#mentalhealth} disorder to the same people, every day.

I have to live my life with or without this illness. By the way, I did take it. A little late, but I took it. And I’m pretty happy I did. Go figure.

{If you Like this blog, I write another one, maybe I’ll see you there? If not, you’ll definitely catch up with me on Facebook! Or even Twitter—so, {#begreat}! We’ll talk again, soon.

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{#bloglette}{#naildiva} | I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, so…watch out.

 I don’t know if you know, but I’m somewhat of a {#naildiva}.

I’m usually just referring to whatever {#nailart} I’m sporting for the week. I think of my {#longnails} as a blank canvas—someplace for me to further express my style. As easy as it is for me to explain how I feel about being a {#naildiva}, it is also a behavior I need to mindful of. Everything I do, no matter how innocent it is, can easily turn into something I obsess over.

{I also have a {#naildiva}{#pinterest} board, if you’d like to follow what new stuff I’m doing on my nails—that’s only if you’re into that form of art expression!}

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When I talk about the need to be “mindful” of everything I’m doing these days, there’s a good reason for me to be concerned. I have Bipolar Disorder, Type 1. What that boils down to, is one special feature of this {#mentalillness}; I pyong between two extreme moods: Very happy. Very Sad.

Now, when I use terms like Happy & Sad, people think they can relate. They will say to me, “Oh, what’s the difference? I go through the same thing!”

There is a difference, but the take-away from this is, what I experience is very different. Researchers have all types of theories, but at the end of the day, what I’m talking about, really, is something called Mania. The feeling is just as the name suggests: I go through extended periods of Extreme Well-Being. I am On Top of the World. I am the Lights that keep the Block on. Click the link, it’ll give you a better idea. {Keep researching, too. Wikipedia’s only a start!}

Mania and My Nails
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The thing about my nails and mania is I start out with just a goal of “cleaning up my look.” My Bipolar Disorder tends to mess with me the most at the start of Fall and Spring—two major shifts in #Earth’s atmosphere. Is there a correlation? I don’t know. Anyway, I either experience deep despair and other disturbing thoughts this time of year, or I go through the other extreme. Which is what I’m on the lookout for now.

Me “cleaning up my look” can soon morph into making larger and larger purchases at the beauty supply store. It is one of my favorite places to shop when I’m in Mania. There are wigs, colorful things to wear, good fragrances to put on, anything a girl experiencing an “abnormally elevated arousal energy level.”

This is pretty heavy {#blogging} from a {#bitstrips}, huh? Well, it’s one of those things about life. It’s something I deal with everyday. I can’t ignore symptoms, I’m always gonna have to be “mindful” of what I’m doing at all times. Truthfully, we can all use a little Mindfulness in our lives, not just me.

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So, while I do enjoy getting my nails done, I am also aware of my track record. For me, Mania begins when I notice my nails. I began paying an awful lot of attention to them. And I let them grow. Long. Dagger-ish. With each new length, I get more elaborate nail art. It’s like, there’s something {or someone} LOUD inside me that wants to be FREE. I try to quarantine this behavior directly onto elements I can change as frequently as my moods: nails, clothes, hairstyles, etc.

I look different. I talk differently. I’m more bold {if you can imagine that}, and my talking topics get hard to follow. These are real events I have to watch out for. Like, blogging too many times in one day, all these activities definitely point to increased brain-wave activity. It’s fun to watch, but after awhile, it can wear me down—it DOES wear me down. And then, that’s when the OTHER extreme takes over: the Very Sad part.

What can YOU do about MY mania…

Honestly, there’s really not much you can do for a person who doesn’t seem sick. Because that’s the reaction most of my friends have when they learn about the Manic part of Manic Depressive Disorder {which is another, older way, to reference this illness}. Because I have had this disease for so long, it’s very much apart of the personality people know from me. They are used to my extreme moods because that’s just how Tracie is.

In retrospect, that’s correct. I’m not really all that different because there’s a name for my personality. This is apart of who I am. So, I guess I shouldn’t expect them to treat me any different just because. But, there are things I can ask my friends to do, to help me keep track of myself. As wonderful as having increased energy to Do It All sounds, the harsh reality is that it doesn’t stop there. There is a point when I can get more and more reckless with myself, and there have been times I have created impossible situations. I won’t go into that too much, but there does exist a very Dark Side of Mania.

I may not be able to read all the signs. That’s why I’m bringing it up. If you see me in {#socialmedia}, simply inquiring about the sort of day I’m having helps me remember there are people looking out for me. You don’t have to, you know. Only if you’re a friend of mine.

How do I find you in {#socialmedia}?

Did you know this is only my {#bloglette}? I blog “for real” at my other website: BlackBerryMamaOnline. By all means, keep your eye on this blog too, because I’ve figured out what content I want to publish from here. I’ll be updating this site very frequently over today and the rest of the week, so signing up here and at the {#blogzine} is a good way to keep up. I’m also EXTREMELY active in the Twitter community. You’ll find over 70,000 of my personal thoughts & conversations with over 12,000 people {so far}, {#inthetweets} there. Just follow @blackberry_mama! Keep in mind, I may not know you’re following, so if you’d like to call attention to yourself, use my {#hashtags}. {I keep an alert on my most frequent ones, so I’ll always know when you’ve come a-ringin’}

{of course, you can comment here too, I’m always happy to be apart of a good discussion!}

I’ve even started an online community of some 400 like-minded individuals—even though I am not entirely sure what all of us have in common. We just, “click”, you know? I’m there, on my Facebook page, everyday. More and more of you are conversing with me that way. So, if you visit, make sure you click Like and start moving in right away! I have lots of fun in Facebook nowadays, now that I’ve learned how to keep an eye on my privacy settings. I hope to see you there!

OK…now that you know this one thing about me, does it change anything for you? {Because I’m fine!} I hope not. Thanks for sticking it out with me. Oh! There IS one other VERY GOOD WAY to keep up with me on Facebook! {How could I forget??} I am also known on FB as the Undiagnosed Mom. This self-titled moniker is from the former blog of the same name, which is no longer hosted on Google and is presumably lost forever.

undiagnosedmom-blogheader-facebookBriefly explained, in 2012, shortly before my 1st hospitalization for Bipolar Disorder {when I was diagnosed, taking me from Un– to Diagnosed Mom}. I have never been the type of person to shy away from talking about my issues online, so this blog was the perfect outlet. Even though only a few hundred people followed my story, the most important thing I got from it, was that I wasn’t alone. Many people reached out to me then {and still, to this day}.

I hope you’ll make yourself known to me today! I love my online friendships and value them greatly. I may be socially awkward “in real life“, but I’m a good person to know. So, hang around for awhile. I’m happy to host you.

Friends on Facebook helped to keep me encouraged in a variety of ways. I won’t ever take {#socialmedia} lightly because of my personal experience in making friends with just a click. It is nice to make your acquaintance. I hope we’ll be friends for a long time.

Now, go sit down somewhere, smile & {#begreat}.

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Meatless Monday Challenge

I became interested in living a {#vegan} lifestyle just a few short years ago. It’s one of my favorite alternative diets to explore and I’ve learned over the years there is NOTHING limiting or tasteless about going meatless. In fact, while I’m not yet totally #vegan, I am happy where I am, which is somewhat 80/20. {Exactly the number plant-based @beyondmeat is focused on!}

Join me as I follow {#meatlessmonday} bloggers around #socialmedia to bring you all the inspired {#recipes} that are sure to come from this {#hashtag} in the month of October.

{#dontpanic}{#wejustgettinstarted}{#blogzine}{#begreat}{#frugalnutritiousbloggersdoitbetter} ¶

As Told By Antoinette

I Love Animals Just Not For Dinner, Vegetarian, Pescetarian, Vegan, Meatless Monday, As Told By AntoinetteYes, you read that title correctly!  World Vegetarian Day is upon us and is celebrated on Wednesday, October 1, 2014 (the entire month of October is Vegetarian Awareness Month).  At this time, I am not a vegetarian, but I would like to be one, again.  So for the month of October, I will be participating in a “Meatless Monday” challenge hosted by my blog and will take place on Instagram (@astoldbyantoinette).  The challenge will officially begin on Monday, October, 6, 2014.  There are only four Monday’s in October so there’s no need for meat eaters to fret.

There are a few reasons that I promote vegetarianism.  One thing for sure that turned me away from meat was having to prepare it and feel its raw texture, and a fast that I did almost two years ago (I blogged about that, here, and here).  People transition to a meatless lifestyle for a…

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RetailMeNot Exclusive! | $3 for $25 in Restaurant.com Gift Cards-Expires 6/19

wednesday-to-doI like when I don’t have to look too hard for a deal, when they just stroll into my inbox, just as pretty and frugal as you please. This isn’t a freebie, but it’s the next best thing: low-cost. And low-cost goodies are great too, especially since these days, they come around a lot more often than the free deals. But we’ve been having a great run on the blog this week, have you checked out my other freebie posts?

With graduation season still ongoing, EJ’s 5th grade ceremony is this Friday, finding this many free and low-cost restaurant deals have given our family’s budget a SUPER BOOST. Dining out, no matter where you go, can be a costly adventure. The more money we spend, the harder it is for us parents to enjoy themselves. I love my children, Gawd knows I do, but their cotton-candy stuffed grins isn’t enough payback for a $100 pizzeria and movie theater night. And that’s if Dad & I eat at home first. #ILoveNY, right?

As far as I know, this special price expires today, it’s a take it or leave it sort of thing.

Maybe I’ll use this deal for our post-graduation dining-out celebration??

RetailMeNot Exclusive! | $3 for $25 in Restaurant.com Gift Cards

Still all smiles,

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Hungry Right Now? | FREE Domino’s Medium 2-Topping #Pizza TODAY At 3PM EST!

Did you know that when a pitcher throws a no-hitter, that is, when no one on the opposing team can hit any of the pitches thrown to him during a regular game, Domino’s gives up FREE pizza?? Isn’t that incredulously, ridiculously nice of them? Pay close attention though, this promo goes LIVE at 3PM EST to the FIRST 20,000 fans!!! The West Coast fans have already eaten & burped their last slice, now it’s our turn!

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Dress Up Like a Cow For FREE Chikin? | #CowAppreciationDay @ Chick-fil-A on July 11th!

This won’t be the first time I’m wishing I lived near a Chick-fil-A restaurant and after this post, it won’t be the last! Because there isn’t is a location I know about in the five boroughs of NYC (at New York University, NYU) this was one freebie too good to be true so I had to head over to their website to find out more about it!

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